paperweight.

mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry
that's wastin time
and no need to wonder
what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and i give up
i let you win
you win cause i'm not counting
you made it back
to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming.

mommys lil' princess.

I could not have asked for a better daughter.
She keeps me going when I really don't want to.
She keeps me laughing when I feel like I want to just cry.
She gives me the reason and drive to work hard and succeed at school.
She is well-behaved and patient - she isn't even two yet!
She is smart and so well-rounded - mommy thinks you're a genius.
She loves to dance especially with her mama.
She gives lots of hugs and kisses when mommy needs them the most.
Her smiles are contagious and anything she does warms my heart.
It is overwhelming to see her growing up so quickly but I'm excited and overjoyed to be able to witness the transformation from her as a little newborn to a toddler, to eventually - a beautiful young woman.
I am so proud of my little girl. Mommy loves you tooter :)

mistakes.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

hopeless romantic.

Sacrifice. A word that anyone in a relationship can recognize, understand, and relate to. Without sacrifice, a relationship cannot withstand the trials of life. With any sacrifice comes growth; with growth comes a deeper love. Selflessness goes hand in hand with sacrifice. Giving more of yourself than you have to the one you love comes with the greatest satisfaction one will ever know. Trusting that person with all that you are, completely stripping yourself down and becoming fully exposed; giving your time, body, feelings, thoughts - giving them your heart. Beyond the trust in giving it all away, trusting in them to take it all and treat it with the utmost care. Knowing that at any moment, there is a possibility that what you gave away could be taken away and never returned to you the same again. After the transaction is complete, it will all be forever different, you will be changed. How any one of us makes it out of this alive is beyond me. Just thinking of the process one goes through to trust another is enough to make any person run scared. Myself, it's the unknown and risk involved that leaves me wanting more. Call me crazy, but without experiencing any hurt in life - you'll never know how to appreciate all of the good around you. You'll never understand, when it happens, that you have found that one person that is worth taking the leap with. And if takes going through many suiters to find that one beautiful, shiny gem - what else would a hopeless romantic girl do?

-eb

Location:Rosemont Dr,Fort Mill,United States

tug of war.

[Rihanna]
On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you’ll always be my hero
Even though you’ve lost your mind

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

[Rihanna]
Now there’s gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you’ll always win
Even when I’m right
‘cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it’s sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

[Rihanna]
So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin’ up
In smoke with all our memories

[Eminem]
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me I’ll be sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
Baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
That we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky
Together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
You hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’?
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
But together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counsellin’
This house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
With you I’m in my f-ckin’ mind, without you, I’m out it

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

everything i ask for.

She takes her time with the little things
Love notes reminding me (reminding me)
She wears red when she's feeling hot (so hot)
I have her but it's all I got
She looks best without her clothes
I know it's wrong but it's the way it goes
I don't know what she sees in me (she looking at me)
But I'm happy that she's happy now that she's with me
And I'm freaking out because I'm just so lucky

Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something)
But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing)
'Cause she's everything I ask for
Everything I ask for
And just a little bit more
Everything I ask for
Everything I ask for and so much more

She loves music but she hates my band
Loves Prince, she's his biggest fan
Not big on holding hands
But that's alright 'cause I still got her
She keeps up on current affairs
Prada is what she wears
I don't know what she sees in me (sees in me)
But I'm happy that she's happy now that she's with me
And I'm freaking out because I'm just so lucky

Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something)
But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing)
'Cause she's everything I ask for
Everything I ask for
And just a little bit more
Everything I ask for
Everything I ask for and so much more

Fist fights turn into sex
I wonder what comes next
She loves to always keeps me guessin' (guessin')
And she (she) won't (won't) give it up
And we (we) won't (won't), no

It's because...

Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something)
But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing)
'Cause she's everything I ask for
Everything I ask for
And just a little bit more
Everything I ask for
Everything I ask for (oh she's a little bit more)
Just a little bit more
Everything I ask for
Everything I ask for (whoa)
So much more
Everything I ask for
Everything I ask for and so much more

change is constant.

When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

my skin.

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

Oh, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
Oh, I need this

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them

Oh, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this

Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
Oh, I mean it

back to the grind.

First day back at school. I can safely say this semester is going to be a good one...have that feeling already. This morning went smoothly. Got up, got myself ready, listened to Olivia play in her crib waiting patiently for mommy to get her up and get her ready. Toddler with patience. How did I get so blessed? Clocked into work at 8:12am, now just sitting here waiting for my class at 11:00.

UPDATE: So, I tried Dove Intensive Repair Shampoo/Conditioner. My hair type is slightly thick, wavy, and colored. These products claimed to "reconstruct hair and prevent split ends and breakage. Deeply penetrate porous hair to help reconstruct from within the hair. Strengthen and nourish hair from root to tip." My experience was nothing close to this. My hair felt great in the shower after I applied the conditioner and it went downhill from there. After blow drying and straightening my hair, it felt coarse and dried out. Of course pre-blowdry, I applied heat therapy serum to prevent damage from straightener.

On a scale from 1-10, I'd rate these products a 4.

THE cure.

So, I believe this week has been the LONGEST week of my life thus far. Last week, on Friday to be exact - I checked myself into the emergency room with symptoms of: severe abdominal pain, uncomfortable swelling, nausea, dizziness, and feeling faint. 20 gauge IV, 525 CC of disgusting liquid, and a cat scan later - results revealed a small ovarian cyst. Sent home with pain and nausea medication and a follow-up request with my OBGYN.

If things couldn't get anymore interesting, a slight rash on my face starting that Friday transformed into full-fledged poison ivy by Tuesday morning. I had been experimenting with different face washes and moisturizers lately in hopes to cleanse and moisturize enough so that my face was fresh and dewy not oily and dry. Product after product I wasn't getting anywhere. How I came in contact with poison ivy - no clue.

So, another doctor appointment on Wednesday morning. Sent home with two scripts - one for a steroid pill pack (4mg, 21 pills taken over 6 days) and an amped up benedryl script to help with redness, itching, swelling, and to ensure I get some sleep. Also, suggestions from my doctor such as using hydrocortisone cream 1% on my face for itching (topical steroid) or calamine lotion. Now, I have used both these products before when I had my first case of poison ivy back in 2001. No adverse reactions resulted. So I thought, what the heck? I couldn't be allergic to those now. HA! I could hear the world laughing at me. I put both on my face (not simultaneously) and it made the rash worse!

I was getting really desperate at this point and started a googling frenzy. Website after website held the same advice that I had received from my doctor. After looking through some tips using homeopathic/household item methods, I came across "baking soda and water". Seeing as it was almost 11:00 at night, I wasn't going to tackle this beast till morning.

I gave my mother a call the next morning so upset that my face was not clearing up. She also suggested "baking soda and water". She said make a paste with it and put it all over the places that were consumed by the poison ivy. After a single application, the redness and itchiness noticeably faded. I was amazed at how well it worked. I applied this about 10 times since then and I'm on day 4 of my steroid pack. I HIGHLY recommend this to anyone that can't seem to find THE cure to your poison ivy ailment.

Definitely an experience packed into one week. And it being the week before school starts, I can officially say "Thank GOD for baking soda, water, and pain pills ;)"

8 Touches That Will Tell Him Everything

1) When you want to let him know he's awesome - Pat him on the butt

To guys, the butt pat is a nonverbal way of saying "You're the man." Growing up, men are taught that this gesture communicates admiration and support. Just watch a game of any team sport and you'll see athletes and coaches use it repeatedly after a big play is made. That's why when you touch him that way, he immediately interprets it as a signal of approval.

2) When you need to say "I'm sorry" - Reach over and squeeze his knee (while you are both sitting)

Touching his knee as you apologize makes him feel connected to you, so he's more receptive to what you're trying to say. The knee is you go-to spot because it's neutral territory. It's not as invasive as touching his face or arm would be, so he won't recoil if he's upset. Plus, when you extend your arm to touch his knee, your body has to bend forward slightly. This is a submissive posture that subconsciously signals to his brain that you are genuinely contrite and would like his forgiveness.

3) When he's bummed out - Lightly scratch his neck along the hairline

It's the ultimate soother for two reasons. First, raking your fingers through his hair taps in to primitive grooming instincts. Preening is a universal care taking gesture that everything from birds to primates to humans use to show affection. It's a nurturing move that makes him feel safe and more calm. Second, the trapezius muscle (a large back muscle) extends up through his neck. This area is is where we tend to carry the bulk of stress in our bodies. Stroking this muscle helps him relax just as a massage would.

4) When you want to get him to do something he doesn't want to do - Grasp his hands and coax them into prayer position, then position your hands over his

Arranging his hands as if you're praying projects power and control. And by placing his hands between yours, you're subconsciously signaling to him that you're the dominant one in this scenario. As a result, your words become more persuasive to him, though he won't know why.

5) When you want to let him know you're turned on - Put your hand on the top of his inner thigh

This move isn't effective just because it's super close to his package. The upper part of his inner thigh is a sensitive area on its own. It's loaded with nerve endings that connect to his genitals. Plus, the skin in this region is more tender since it's the part of the thigh that generally has the least amount of muscle.

6) When he's angry and you need to defuse a fight - Place your hand on top of his shoulder, keeping a straight elbow

This is like hitting the pause button on his brain during an argument. While the motion is firm - keeping your arm straight carries more power and commands attention. The comforting contact will help to calm down your guy. The shoulder is an ideal spot to touch in a moment like this, since its well protected with muscle and less sensitive, as opposed to more vulnerable places, like his face and neck. Your touch will bring him out of the heat of the moment and remind him of your bond, taking his anger down a notch. The key, though, is to use this move just as a fight is beginning and his heated emotions are still at a simmer and not a full boil.

7) When you're not really "fine" - Reach out to him, palms up, and slip your hands under his

Putting your hands out, upturned, signals an appeal for help. This gesture has long been associated in society with begging, so he will unconsciously interpret it as your asking for a boost from him. And when you grasp your partner's hands with his on top of yours, you're subtly emphasizing that you need for him to give that support to you. It's like fishing for reassurance without having to verbalize it. Since his hands cover yours, he assumes the dominant role, triggering him to take care of you.

8) When you want to say "I love you" - Hold his face with a hand on each of his cheeks

A guy's face is extra sensitive - even after he has shaved, his scruff has special tactile sensors that wrap around the hair follicle. A higher number of follicles makes a man's face more sensitive than a woman's. That makes this a great spot to take advantage of, since a woman's skin is usually more delicate than a man's. Plus, the hands-on-your-lovers cheeks gesture is interpreted as especially romantic. The face is one of the most emotionally intimate spots on the body, so holding his closely communicates the deep bond you feel with him.

fix you, fix me.

• Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

taking on the world, one inch at a time.

REVELATION. You only have so much time on this earth, but it isn't so limited that things in your life should be rushed to the point of experiencing certain milestones before you're ready to. Our generation has been programmed to think certain ways. It has been shoved down our throat through television, movies, magazines, books, and by our own peers. It has been assumed by both woman and men to think in the moment; making decisions that would be the best for our current situation. We are a group of people that are surrounded by the fast paced lifestyle which dictates and influences our actions to be just as quick and abrupt. We are constantly thinking of "what can I do right now that would satisfy this feeling and/or craving." Rarely does the thought of "...what kind of impact will this have 6 months down the road. Do I really need this now? Am I being irrational and impatient? Can I wait?" arise in our minds. The verb "wait" is a foreign word in most peoples' vocabulary. If we would put more effort into the little things now, and focus our energy into building sturdy, strong foundations out of those little things - our futures would be a lot more promising and successful. This goes with anything: relationships with your significant other, family, friends, school, work, hobbies and passions. Anything worth more than a few minutes of your time deserves more than a quick fix solution to serious problems. After it is all said and done, and your goal has been reached - whether it is 6 months, a year, 5 years down the road - you will reflect on the decisions you made that brought you to that point. Personally, I want to be the person who looks back and sees a journey that was well-lived, well thought out, and meaningful; that showed growth in myself, growth in those around me, and permanent changes made for the better in my heart. I want something I'm proud of. I want those many months that were spent working towards a goal, to represent decisions I made that encompass true value, and not ones that were made to get me to another fork in the road; needing another abrupt decision to repair the damage from the last one. I urge you to provide yourself with a slight pause before making any decisions in life. Not a pause of doubt, but one of reflection. That brief moment could change your entire life.

rewind.

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.

Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.

But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way.

24 karats.

To the edge
Till we all get off
I will take
You away with me
Once and for all

Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm

Calculate
Ill embrace
Hold on (Come with me now)
Right away
Outer space with me

Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm
Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
I will lead us to the same
Realm

When the coffin shakes
And the needle breaks
Come right away with me
Come on your sick?
Once and for all

Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm
Time will lead us to the same
Realm
I will lead us to the same
Realm

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jones Creek Rd,Baton Rouge,United States

family.

Society now-a-days tends to live in a way which reflects the saying, "you never know what you got until it's gone." It is a tragedy that we as people, play a role in our lives that seems so self-destructive. Of course to anyone else other than yourself, you wear a statement of "I hate drama", but yet we surround ourselves with people who reek of it. You are baffled by the fact that your life isn't turning out at all how you planned it. Your head is filled with voices that consume your being with negative words and feelings of resentment, lack of hope, and jealousy. You will be a product of those thoughts, no matter how wrong they are. Those around you will not see past the mirror image of your inner self. You can only be a "barbie doll" a.k.a. fake for so long before you yourself forgets who you truly are. You intentionally internalize things that are said and make them about yourself in hopes that somehow you will find pity in peoples' eyes. You take a situation that you are placed in and instead of finding the good in people and learning from past mistakes, you fuel the fire with harsh words and find a way to still appear as the one who was trying to prevent the screaming match. Can't you see what you are doing? Do you even realize that you are the one who is limiting yourself to reach your full potential in life? You can only complain so long about your situation before those around you will grow tired of hearing your negative banter. You will realize, hopefully more sooner than later, that what you have now isn't at all a situation that deserves your criticism and non-appreciation. What you have is more than most people your age, with your current lifestyle, has or will ever have. And instead of being grateful, you are playing the critic in your life letting your pride dictate your future; claiming that you can find better. As much as we all feel we want to continue to hold your hand to prevent you from ever encountering half of the bad that we have seen in this world - I believe it is time to open the door and politely ask you to leave. We will always be there for you, to offer guidance and love whenever possible. And hopefully, once you have experienced what "bad" really is, and you will, you will come to those that were supportive and offered all that we could (within reason) and find peace with us, in your life. Good luck on your future endeavors and I pray you sort through whatever it is that is causing you to place a roadblock in your life. You deserve better than what I think you credit yourself for. It is just a matter of how hard are you willing to work for it? It's up to you now, mama bird.

time.

These are the days that you wish would never end. Soaking up the sun with the ones that mean the most to you in the world. You don't realize these things until its' to late. Those missed moments that you weren't there for, to experience for the first time; you can never re-gain that time again. Be careful with how you choose to spend your time and those you choose to invest your time in. Prioritize your life in a way that ensures any missed moments won't be those that you wish with every part of your soul you could re-live. It is hard to swallow when those memories that happen once in a lifetime are described in detail by someone else who was able to witness it all first hand. Live in the moment, love as hard as you can, and don't waste anytime. We only have so much time here on earth and what better way to spend it than with those who care for you, love you, and wish the very best for you in the same way you do for them. For it is within these moments, you learn who you truly are.

and winter spoke.

If you don't believe me
If you don't like my plans
You mustn't tell me
I know your face like the back of my hand

We walk the city
I talk so you understand
So won't you tell me
I know this place like the back of my hand

My arms get cold in February air
Please don't lose hold of me out there

And I know you're near me
I know you understand
Say that you're with me
So you know my face like the back of your hand

My arms get cold in February air
Please don't lose hold of me out there

Out there

There, there, February air, air
And I know this place like the back of my hand

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jones Creek Village Ave,Baton Rouge,United States

this feels safe.

Who knew butterflies, could last all night?

Who knew love could find, its way back in my life.

Eyes collided and my world shook,

Fifteen seconds never felt so good.

Heart skipped a beat could barely breathe,

And now I'm flying up in the clouds,

Can't bring me down, there's no denying,

That these little butterflies have opened up skies in this heart of mine.

Well you make me feel so beautiful,

With eyes that see right through my soul,

A taste of heaven with just one kiss,

I never imagined it could feel like this.

Heart skipped a beat could barely breathe,

And now I'm flying up in the clouds,

Can't bring me down, there's no denying,

That these little butterflies have opened up skies in this heart of mine.

Up up and away,

there's no need to stay.

Down here,

With you feels safe,

All cares melt away,

And everything else just disappears.

Heart skipped a beat could barely breathe,

And now I'm flying up in the clouds,

Can't bring me down, there's no denying,

That these little butterflies have opened up skies in this heart of mine.

Who knew butterflies could last all night?

you.

You used to call me everyday
the words mean nothing
without someone to say
now I stand beside myself in the pouring rain
and I just want to see your face

When you're far away
I miss you
but I know you're here with me
when you're far away
I need you

I lie awake it's ten past three
this empty feeling
and baby I can't sleep
the only thing I left behind
a smile you can't see

I need you

When you're far away
I miss you
But time won't heal the pain
when you're far away
I need you

And I won't go back
and I can't go back
you're all I ever needed
I want you back
but you can't come back
you know I didn't mean it
I take it back
and still i pray
for one more chance
for one more day with you
with you.

When you're far away
I need you

take it all in.

Your three sides of my excited circle, two lovers, juxtapose with your ways,
Broken window dreams color her eyes in with black lines,
Let it all run down, let it all run down.

There's no explanation or forewarning underneath, all the silver linings
We approach the streets with a clear conscience we'll survive,
Let it all run down, let it all run down.

It's one way to afford a horizon and not to mention,
It's one way to say we're abandoned, and we don't belong here at all.

And romance just is...

Slow it all down, the damage is done,
Play the music loud, don't make a sound,
Lets raise a toast to the sad story, in a dirty cup, in a dirty cup,
You made it, you made it hurt so bad,
You made it hurt, so bad.

With a little poison they can burn this whole place down, to the ground again...

carbon copy.

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” - O.W.

Today is a day where I am bored to tears and when this happens I tend to over analyze everything. In doing this, I have realized that most people around me have the incapability to "be themselves". Whether it is the clothes they wear, the phrases they say, the people they surround themselves with, or the choices they make in life - it seems it is all for someone else. My question is why? It seems to me that you would want to make every choice to benefit yourself and not others; not making choices for attention or praise. What most don't realize or fail to see is that the only people that will be standing with you in the end aren't those who you copied, those you tried to show off to, or those people you trusted with your most intimate secrets. It will be God, your family, and yourself. Those who you worked so hard to impress won't be there to face the choices you made, or the consequences that come from your actions. I urge you - look deep within yourself, follow your heart, and live for yourself.

From this, you will experience the true happiness you have been so desperately trying to seek and obtain. Emotions are fleeting and ever-changing. If you place all of your emotions in someone elses' hands and expect them to keep you on an even keel - you are dooming yourself to live a very unhappy life. No one should ever have to carry that burden, nor should you ever ask. Your happiness is dependent upon you. Until you learn to keep yourself content, no one else will ever be able to. This is something that has taken me many years to realize, and even to this day I have a hard time following my own advice. I am sending these words out into internet land in hopes that it finds those who are in similar situations and facing these same trials. Maybe I can help you, help yourself - before its too late.

independence.

Happy Fourth of July!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Unnamed Rd,Baton Rouge,United States

refresh.

Sometimes in life you make mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes will cost you a lot and other times, those mistakes shape you into the person you are today. It is hard to admit when you're wrong and even harder to apologize to those you have hurt. But without this process, you would never learn, grow, and mature. These things don't come without struggle, strife, and heartache either. There are many things you will go through to feel as though you have fully gained something out of your situations. And yes, after you have taken that leap and dove head first into it - you wish that somehow life would provide that "refresh" button so you could do everything all over again. You hate yourself for things you've done, you doubt that you will ever see the better side of things, and you hope to God somehow, by some miracle, people will see you for who you really are not just for your mess ups in life. Being stubborn is one of my worst character traits but it is also something I have learned to deal with. I am me, and instead of trying to change everything about myself that I can't stand, I have come to terms with it and used it to the best of my abilities. That's all you really can do. And those who stand by you through it all, are the ones who accept you for everything you have been, are, and will be. In my life, there are a hand full. I take comfort in knowing that I do have those I can rely on when things are good, and when things are bad. Life is and always will be a rollercoaster. It's not about what's happening in those bumpy, curvy moments - it's about surviving the ride and being able to say, "shit, lets do it again!"

never thought i had anymore to give.

A thousand times I’ve seen you standing
Gravity like a lunar landing
Make me want to run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you’re all I hear
Everything we know fades to black

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give
Pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

Find the place where we escape
Take you with me for a space
The city buzz, sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I had to find just where you are
The faces seems to blur, they’re all the same

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give
Pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

So much more to say
So much to be done
Don’t you trick me out
We shall overcome
So all have stayed in place
We should have had the sun
Could have been inside
Instead we’re over here

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time, too long defending
You and I are done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give
Pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
Everything will change

As if we could last forever
Love remains the same

macy skye.

Macy Skye Mauffray greeted us with her presence on June 30, 2010 at 3:51pm. Weighed 7lbs 8oz. Such a blessing! I got to be the second visitor to hold her. Loved every moment.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Airline Hwy,Baton Rouge,United States

yearn.

I want to forget.

I want to so badly.
I want closure.
I want to move on.

I want to be happy again.


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better than me.

top-heavy.

Overturned car at Lee and Burbank. Scarrrry stuff!







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just gonna stand there.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
'Cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane, but when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snapped, "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, Baby, it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Robinhood Dr,Baton Rouge,United States

never again.

I'll never be the same.
I blame you - for so much.
My emotions, my anger, my hurt, my fear, my lack of trust.
You've hurt me the most - because I cared for you the most.
I don't know how I will be able to let go of it all.
You haunt me everyday, and its an active fight to try and erase you from my life.
My tears are not those of wishful thinking but those of hurt and pain.
You will never truly realize what you have done to me.
And I will never fully admit it to myself or others.
You can continue to live life thinking I have no soul, no heart.
That I'm this awful person that you have made yourself believe that I am.
I loved you.
All for nothing.

and we will dream.

Do you remember the nights
We'd stay up just laughing
Smiling for hours
At anything
Remember the nights
We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

Do you remember the nights
We made our way dreaming
Hoping of being
Someone big
We were so young then
We were too crazy
In love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Riverbend Blvd,Baton Rouge,United States

my strength. my hope. my everything.

My love. My happiness. My heart. My world.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Robinhood Dr,Baton Rouge,United States

olivia.

My beautiful daughter. She is always so happy, content, and loving with me :) She is my world and I LOVE being a mommy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Robinhood Dr,Baton Rouge,United States

truth.

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Robinhood Dr,Baton Rouge,United States

but i have to, sorry.

Breathe - listennnn

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.

Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry.

head towards the BIG neon sign.

Recently, I have been taking a hard look at life and re-evaluating those that I have involved in mine. I have the tendency to surround myself with those that have issues. I have always sought out to "fix" people. I keep those around me that seem to have a negative outlook on life - that manipulate, who are vindictive, and selfish. Many times, they didn't embody these qualities in the beginning; it slowly crept out of the dark once they became comfortable. Recently, I have made the executive decision that I no longer have a need or want for these people in my life. These people will have their opinions about how I live my life, how I raise my daughter, and how my time is spent - to those people...live your own life. Spending your time and effort judging my character is worthless to you. You won't benefit from it and I can bet that it will only upset you because I won't change for you, nor will I base my decision making process on you. I live for God, my daughter, my family, and my friends. If you don't somehow fit under any of those categories - I'm holding the door wide open for you; you may exit now.

hoping to find something quicker than heaven.

She's got a bumper like a billboard
Covered in stickers of her favorite bands
She's got a handful of records that she turns to
When she needs to land
She's a saturday night parade through the streets
That all eyes come to see including me

She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul
That never rolls

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Just like Guinevere

She don't hold onto nothin' new for very long
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay it's just too late

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Just like Guinevere

snuff.

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I cant destroy what isnt there

Deliver me into my fate
If Im alone I cannot hate
I dont deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldnt face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldnt hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you werent my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I wont listen to your shame
You ran away, youre all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care dont ever let me know
If you still care dont ever let me know

dont let your fire burn out.

Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
I'm talkin' to me

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There's a girl on the streets, she's cryin'
There's a man whose faith is dyin'
Love is calling you

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
(Stand out)
Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
(Stand out)
somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

state of mind.

I find there is no point in saying you will do something, when there is a chance you will not follow through. When you know other things will be keeping your attention for the evening, and your intentions are not what were led to me to believe - then just tell me. Its irritating and rude. Even more so because I'm here and you're there. Communication is nice. And when I'm believing I'll receive a phone call and I don't get it, it angers me. I won't hold my breath with an expectation of a good excuse; there isn't one.

survival means woman.

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."

The day you were born, you encompassed innocence, mercy, love, forgiveness, and the instinctual characteristics of survival. You were surrounded by those who loved you in a way they had never loved before. Your parents stared in awe at a creation of themselves. Bits and pieces were instilled within you from the ones who protested to love you the most. It didn't take much to keep you content and you blindly welcomed love with open arms. You had yet to feel pain, anger, hurt, and witness things that no one, and I mean no one of any age, should have to see. Times were simple then.


Many years later, you are a grown woman. You feel like you've seen the world and know everything. As a woman, you have the drive to love someone more than yourself, reach out to those in need or those who have wronged you or hurt you. Show those who are closest to you the ways of life to save them from making the same mistakes you have. You are a nurturer, care-giver, listener, lover, friend, and mother. You brave the world each day and sometimes you forget that those character traits you possessed as an infant, won't keep you safe anymore.


You yearn to love, but have learned to hold back. You listen, but know to guard your heart from lashings of the tongue. You try and give everything you are to those you feel deserve it the most, but have trained your mind to guard the one piece of yourself, that if given away, will kill you.


We are born to love anyone who gives us attention and life has taught us to love with closed minds and protected hearts.

You chose the company of the very people who have changed you. And, as a woman, you made the choice to continue to love them anyway. You are strong, you are beautiful, and no matter what anyone thinks or says, you will survive this life.