Insomnia.

I've learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There's nothing I can do to change that. I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won't care. I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

we had a good run.

Growing apart, what a concept. Knowing when to say goodbye is difficult. This time, I can’t say its that complicated. People change, feelings change. It doesn't mean that feelings once shared weren't true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.

In our case, one party was brutally honest while the other blamed feelings on the other persons existence. Initially, I felt bad. And then the more time I had to think on it - the more time I had to realize that blaming others for a situation is cowardly; its a way that you can organize the series of events that occurred in your mind and "deal" with them, without really dealing.

Lets face it, what happened could of been much, much worse. I've seen it with your previous serious relationship and I've lived it. Apologies that were due on my end have been delivered and on more than one occasion. And at the time I was the "most honest I had ever been" - was the time I had seen you at your worst. I never really expected you to feel the same, I'm smarter than that. I didn't expect that you'd make different choices or choose a different path than the one you were leading. What I did expect was beyond the brutal honesty we'd still remain friends; and the friendship we had prior to anything said, any girl, or situation would withstand all those things.

Over the past couple of days I've wrestled with that fact, that things changed. As much as I'd like to say it doesn't hurt, I can't - that would be a lie. I thought we were bigger than all those things. I guess I put more trust in that fact than I should have, and more belief in you than you deserved. Naturally, because we are human, with hurt comes hurtful things said, and for that, I am sorry.

I'm not sorry for the decision that I have made to move on. I'm sure you're thinking I mean feelings - no. I am moving on in life and whatever is left of the friendship we have or had is being left behind. This decision isn't based on an intent to hurt you or evoke negative feelings. This decision is simply because in realizing that you stopped caring as a friend, caring enough to just be respectful and decent in conversations although rare, I stopped caring to be the doormat you wipe your feet on randomly whenever you feel like it.

I put a lot into relationships I build with friends. I would do anything for them, much like how I treated you. But there comes a point when you  have to make a decision, in any relationship, on whether those that you pour everything you have into care enough to do the same when you need it most. And with us, its a little one-sided. The day you turned cold, I realized I'm holding onto something that is more hurtful than helpful - and I deserve more than that.

I do hope you find peace. I hope you sort out whatever feelings you have - hate, hurt, anger, sadness, fear, love - and you use them to grow much like I have these past few days. I do hope the best for you and whoever you choose to spend your life with. I'm sorry that it all ended like this, I didn't want it to. I'd rather end it on a better note and remember good memories before any hurtful ones are made.

Good luck in life. You will conquer the world and make your dreams into reality one day, just need to figure out what truly makes you happy and the rest will fall into place.

-eb

enlightened.

forgive them anyway.